Things I’m Grateful For

Hi Everyone!

As you may have read in previous posts (if this is your first time here, welcome! I’m really honest about my feelings since I didn’t get the chance to be honest about feelings growing up. Yay!) I have been really down about getting wait-listed by EPIK and having to start over with life from the ground up.

A lot of bad things have happened to me over my short time on earth and I have been so focused on that lately that I haven’t been able to focus on what I need to get done and the good things in front of me.

So here are some things I am grateful for.

  1. Graduating college. It took me five years and three major changes but I finally got through it!
  2. The friends that remained after I graduated. They are some pretty cool people.
  3. I’m not able to eat a lot but I’m able to eat.
  4. I have a roof over my head. I was worried after I got wait-listed that I wouldn’t have a place to stay and I was willing to sleep in a car if I had to. I didn’t resign my lease at my apartment and no matter how hard I tried I never managed to get a summer job. I’m still trying to find a job right now but at least I have a place to sleep.
  5. My phone for still living. It’s slowly dying on me and I desperately need a new phone but it’s alive while I don’t have the money for a phone. That’s pretty good to me.

I’m just going to stop at five because I started this a while ago when I was really upset and couldn’t think of anything to be grateful for. I found five, although I realize how semi depressing these five are, and that’s pretty good for me.

What are you all grateful for?

Until next time,

Tiara Giles

 

 

 

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My Focus is Way Off

So there are a few things I’m trying to do for these next six months that I’m still in small town Mississippi.

  1. Study Korean for at least an hour a day so I’m not extremely lost when I finally move over there.
  2. Finish writing book two in the series I’m working on.
  3. Get book one edited and beta read for one last round.
  4. Send my FBI CRC to get apostilled for EPIK. (It’s still raining like a waterfall here and I’m not in the mood to re-print that app if it gets wet so I have to act smart)

It’s only a few things right? Pretty simple, right?

I would say so myself but for some reason I can’t focus on the simplest of tasks. Maybe a part of me is still depressed and still emotionally drained from all of the anxiety and stress I went through this summer. I know I’m still worried about life falling from under me again. Maybe that’s it. I don’t know but I definitely need to re-route my focus.

I’m reading a book on writing romance and it’s helping me a lot with focusing. I even finished a novel I had intended to read. Baby steps. I’m also due for some serious self care and I mean serious self care.

I’m not here to give you tips on how to stay focused because I suck at it myself and as a recent college grad, I have yet to figure that out. However, I can tell you that when you’re extremely depressed and drained to not neglect yourself. Self-care is really important and maybe that will help with regaining focus. Find a self-care buddy too.

Until next time,

Tiara “Kikyo” Giles

Fighting Fears

It took me a minute to figure out how to express what I’m thinking and feeling in this post. I have a tendency to struggle with writing exactly how I feel because I worry if I’m using the right words, but I’m going to try anyway.

I am afraid.

I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of becoming nothing. I am afraid of spending the rest of my life working at jobs I hate because I gave up on my goals and dreams. I’m afraid of getting stuck. I’m afraid to give up on my goals and dreams. I’m afraid of not trying or not having the ability to try.

I’ve been through a lot and I’m aware that others have been through much more and much worse. What I’ve been through has made me wonder if failure and sitting here stuck with nothing to do and no where to go is what I’m meant to do. Am I meant to just give up on dreams and goals like a few people I grew up around? Am I meant to depend on others and not do for myself?

For a minute anxiety took over and these feelings sunk in so deep that it lodged me to my bed. My former roommates cat came into my room and sat on my bed until I moved. My boyfriend had to force me to eat and my other former roommate made tea later that day. I was becoming sick from sadness. Sick from feeling like my life lacked purpose.

However, today, I realized something. Although right now I feel like giving up and just sitting here until things maybe pass by . . . I won’t do it. I shouldn’t. I realized the fear of not trying was stronger than my fear of failure. I want to at least try and get past obstacles and fight for my goals.

You all should too. Anxiety maybe strong right now and you may need a support system but you’ve got to at least try. Try hard and do everything to the best of your ability. If the first steps just means getting out of bed and brushing your teeth, then you did it.

Now keep going.  If you fall backwards a couple of times. It’s okay. That’s apart of fighting anxiety. If you feel like life isn’t real (or a sense of derealization), that’s okay. Keep fighting. Keep trying. Take one step at a time.

Until next time,

Tiara “Kikyo” Giles

P.S. I’m not sure if any of this made sense.

 

The Road to Korea – What’s Next?

At the end of my previous post I got wait-listed. The news was very devastating and I cried. A lot. After the tears stopped I emailed my recruiter about what to do next. I could wait for spring intake and the only thing I would have to update is my application and my FBI CRC (Criminal Record Check). Or I could try other public school programs that had availability left and even hagwons (Korean private schools – the more complicated route). Sigh.

I decided to wait for Spring Intake.

The idea of trying to find and secure a position in Korea in less than month was stressful. My finances aren’t where I would like them to be (even after the donation help, but the timeline I posted here will show why). I have to move out of my apartment at the end of this month and I might be out of wi-fi at my house for a couple of months. Most interviews in Korea will take place between 7am and 5pm in Korea which would make it 7pm-5am central time in America. Not very ideal when you don’t have internet.

Waiting just ended up being the best option. It sucks but it’s not actually that bad. The school year in Korea begins in the Spring and the process will be different for those wait-listed. So if you have to wait don’t worry. I’m right there with you.

In the meantime, I’ll find part time work, practice my Korean (maybe I’ll become fluent!), help out with my sorority, and write a lot. I have already sent my recruiter my updated application and after he reviews it and sends it off to EPIK (the spring process officially begins August 1st) another timeline will begin!

Until next time,

Tiara “Kikyo” Giles

 

I am so tired . . . NEW VIDEO ha!

Hi everyone!

I am really tired right now. Probably because I haven’t been doing much moving lately. Just sitting in the house. Trying to be productive. While dying of boredom.

But anyway, I have finally uploaded a video after a while of not uploading any content. I hope that I can be more brave this time and just upload what I want and upload things that help me get out of my comfort zone. I am also trying to find out who I am and through reading this blog and watching my channel you’ll be right there in the same boat with me. I forgot to mention that in this video but I might upload another video where I talk about that if you all think that’s cool.

Here’s the video!

I’ll post a new flash fiction next week!

Until next time,

Tiara “Kikyo” Giles

Teaching English in South Korea, Maybe?

Hi folks!

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Last year I created a GoFundMe campaign so I could study abroad. However, that didn’t work out. I was only able to raise enough to buy the digital camera I needed for the trip and nothing more.

Now, I want to try again. I have a minimum wage work-study job on campus so it doesn’t pay much. Saving has been kind of hard. I decided to do another GoFundMe campaign to help me actually get to my goal of teaching overseas. I feel like this is a great way to serve a community and truly get to know another culture besides my own.

You don’t have to donate if you don’t want to. If you do, I really appreciate it! I want to keep you guys updated on my life decisions. That includes my dreams, successes, and failures as a new adult.

When I do go to South Korea I’m going to be making tons of videos about my experiences and writing blog posts. Of course, the flash fictions will still be there.

Anyway, here’s the link to the GoFundMe. Share away and help a sister out if you can.

https://www.gofundme.com/tiara-teaches-in-south-korea

Until next time,

Tiara “Kikyohatake” Giles

I’m Back! (Mostly)

Hello! Is anyone still here? *turns on flashlight; tears down cobwebs*

Oh! There you are? What are you doing sitting in the dark? Well, get up. You’ve got dust all over you.

How is everyone? It’s been like a year (literally) since I have made a post. I guess I have to update you all. Let me make this quick and painless then.

  1. I bought a new car right before final exams. Do I have pictures? No. I don’t know why I don’t. It’s a 1990 Honda CRX. Yes, it’s another semi sporty car. Technically people use it for drag racing. I am not one of those people. And no, I still have my permit but I’m working out a schedule to practice more and get my license before I graduate.
  2. I spent Christmas with my boyfriends family. It was nice. His mom made me emotional cause she was so nice and I’ve been using the pen she gave me for all kinds of writing.
  3. I worked overtime for a seasonal job and hurt my right knee (I hurt my left foot on Monday. I don’t know how). I’m still recovering.
  4. As long as I keep up the good grades I’ll be graduating in May.
  5. I revived my YouTube channel but my way. I post whenever I remember to or feel like it.
  6. I went to Kami-Con 2017 and met Rick Farmiloe! He’s an animator for those of you don’t know. Think of all of the sidekicks from every Disney movie.

Kami-Con 2017 Video

Meeting Rick Farmiloe

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  1. I’m still working on my book. I’m on another draft. I think this is third. I don’t remember.

I think that’s it. Yep.

I’ll be writing small fiction tid bits coming up because I joined this really friendly Romance Writers & Readers. They put out a new prompt each week and if you choose you can write it and post it on your blog. So be prepared for that by Sunday!

Anyway, see you later! I suck at the picture part of blogging. Haha.

Tiara “KikyoHatake” Giles